"Sometimes a different environment makes all the difference" are the words written on the little strip of paper from the fortune cookie I did not eat from first Chinese take-out place on Lenox at 137th St.
That was the second and last time I bought take-out from that place at the corner of my block. I thought to myself these words cannot be more true, so the next time I got Chinese take-out I went to a different location, only three blocks south on Lenox and the food was much better.
That was the last week of February of this year a few month later I found that fortune inside the wallet I use to store my old IDs and social security card, the wallet I don’t carry with me. This time when I read the fortune was July and again I thought, these words cannot be more true, especially now.
Earlier this year I made several major changes, one of them was relocating to New York City and the other was a change in the way I see myself. Part of that involved seeing me as a healthy, fit person.
This change involved eating differently and thinking about the way I eat and the food I eat. The change also involved a fitness regime that was consistent yet balanced.
The results of this change have been dramatic, and some would say rapid. In only three months I lost over 35lbs of fat and in the process gained not only lean muscle but a new sense of self.
A change indeed for the better in ways I did not expect. I was always a relatively confident person, but I now feel more confident from my core, not just intellectually. I also feel healthier, with much more energy, stamina and mental alertness. I sleep more soundly and am more alert professionally and socially.
Besides the added benefit of looking good is the emotional benefit of feeling well, whole and sound. There is an inner peace of spirit and contentment that emanates and radiates from my core. It is a contagious spirit that is peaceful and positive. I am convinced it has to do with the food I eat and the activities of my mind.
I think therefore I am or is it I am therefore I think? I think healthy, fit and attractive, therefore I am. I am healthy, fit and attractive therefore I think. I work for those things and yet the activities do not at all feel like work. They feel like fun. Though the word fun does not encapsulate my feeling. I think enthusiasm is a better word.
I am enthusiastic about life and living it. Prior to this I simply enjoyed and only when I was in situations that I naturally found enjoyable. Now I can accept many things that I once couldn't and I enjoy things I had once only accepted and I am enthusiastic about things that I once only enjoyed.
The other benefit of my change is now I realize that I do not have to do anything that I cannot accept. If I analyze myself and the situation and I cannot create any enjoyment and not even acceptance then I must stop the activity of remove myself from the situation.
Changing the environment for me made all of the difference. I recognize that in a different place with different people and a different way of thinking and living I was able to make a transformative change. I am content. This is the good life.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Critical Moment article Issue 21 March – April 2007
I wrote this article based on blog posts from Dec 2006
Living in the Concrete Jungle
Intro:
…Wont someone tell me? ‘cause my sweet life must be somewhere to be found - instead of concrete jungle where the living is harder man you got to do your best no chains around my feet, but I’m not free I know I am bound here in captivity… -Concrete Jungle, Bob Marley
On a misty and mild, snow-less December evening I was minding my own business, walking home from work listening to music through my iPod and I was accosted and physically assaulted by six teenagers. Unlike the time I was attacked in New York City, I was in Detroit, in my own neighborhood, a block from my front door. About a month after the attack I was almost hit by a car, twice. I felt the same feeling of anxiety from the attack that I felt when the car was so close I thought I was going to be struck. Walking to and from work should not be this difficult and stressful.
After these encounters I immediately began thinking about why something like this would happen to me. How did I seem weak and vulnerable to the teenagers that assaulted me? What about my appearance gave them the idea that they could accost me with impunity? Or did they even care how I looked? What is it about Detroit that makes me invisible to drivers when walking home from work? Why is this environment so hostile to pedestrians?
I think there could be many reasons why these incidents occurred; some related to my personal circumstances, others influenced by a larger systemic reason for urban youth perpetrating crimes against individuals.
The immediate reason for all of these issues is my lack of resources, and my lack of resources is a direct result of my low income. I do not have a car, had I been in a car none of these incidents would have occurred.
The reality is that I do not have a car and I live in a neighborhood that is being rapidly gentrified. The people coming into this area are usually associated with Wayne State University or the College of Creative Studies in some capacity, either as a student, a professor or in a related Medical industry. The low-income housing projects have been razed and in their place are new luxury Lofts and Condos, renovated apartments, designer boutiques, pet shops, doggy daycare and of course Starbucks! – two within six blocks. Those moving here are increasingly affluent and not all of them are white. But make no mistake; it is still the “hood”.
I think one of the other reasons why I was assaulted is because of the way I was dressed. Though I should be able to dress any way that I want in my own neighborhood I now recognize for my sense of safety, in the “hood” I have to dress like the “hood”. I wear my black hooded sweatshirt and my Timberland boots and baggy jeans, etcetera. To the youth that attacked me, I probably looked like a member of the entering gentry wearing designer business casual clothes, an iPod and a leather backpack. I now have to remind myself to keep the cord to the earphones on my iPod in my coat, shirt or jacket so that it is not exposed. An iPod is a clear indication of my relative class privilege. An iPod sends the message that I not only have the $200 plus dollars to purchase it, but also that I have a computer to download songs from the Internet. It all points to a level of wealth assaulters may not have.
The larger economic conditions in the state of Michigan, of course, have helped in creating the economic conditions that contributed to reasons for my assault. The restructuring of the Detroit auto companies is resulting in large workforce reductions. These massive lay-offs are causing an economic depression. The conditions of this depression are only worsening by the day.
Detroit as a whole is becoming economically unsustainable from the push-down effect. The economy in Southeast Michigan is dominated by the U.S. auto industry. When the auto industry reduces its workforce, the workers that do not move to other states are absorbed into lower paying and sometimes less skilled jobs. Then the lower paying and even less skilled are pushed into the next lower job sector. Finally, those with minimal to no special skills are completely displaced.
These people often work more than one job and still their “ends do not meet” or worse yet, they sooth their depression over their economic situation with addictive substances. Meanwhile, their children are constantly receiving pop culture messages that greed, consumption and aggression are valuable personality traits that will be rewarded with access to money, power, and sex. As the bad economic conditions deepen and the dominant culture becomes more materialistic, I should expect more frequent and bolder assaults or harassment attempts by poor disenfranchised youth and adults.
After the attack I initially felt a violent response to them was warranted. One of those youth should be shot. Then they will learn a lesson. Not necessarily killed, but definitely shot. They will then think twice before they attack someone else on the street. Should I get a Concealed Weapons Permit? I next thought, I should take a martial arts class to “be ready” for them next time.
Immediately, I realized that this thinking is irrational, that shooting anyone or disabling them with martial arts techniques would perpetuate more violence and would not help to make this a safer neighborhood. But I am left with the uncertainty of how do I take care of my spirit and sense of safety after this violation?
It has been over a month since this incident occurred. I now take a different route walking home from work. The route I took when I was accosted was taken to avoid the sex workers, drug dealers and addicts that hang out a few blocks from my door.
Now I walk in the direction of this illicit activity. Ironically, this may turn out to be the safer route because of the higher street traffic it creates. Most assaulters do not want to bother you in an area where there is a lot of traffic, of any kind. My walking this new direction is counter-intuitive for me, because my experience being around sex workers, drug dealers and addicts is that it is a sure way to be an “innocent bystander” victim often read about in the newspapers and heard of on the television news.
Maybe walking the way of the sex workers, drug dealers and addicts is the safer route from roving groups of menacing teenagers, but not the safer route from potential shootings and firebombs. There was actually a fire-bombing of an apartment building on this walk home from work during the summer months of 2006.
I have also considered that my recently reacquired “hood” style of dress does not distinguish me from the “usual suspects”. Now, the police are more of a concern.
The police often conduct random sweeps (also known as “stop-and-frisk”) in the area that I walk. I am hoping that my backpack will distinguish me as a possible student, given that I am within four blocks of the Wayne State University campus. Hopefully the police will not mistake me for one of the other usual suspects.
I still do not know the answers, but I know when I walk home from work now I have several layers of anxiety. First, from menacing teenagers, second from sex workers, drug dealers and drug addicts, and third from the police and fourth from careless motorists that do not see me walking.
These experiences have upset my sense of personal safety. I understand even better the reasons why a person does not risk living in the city especially an area like where I live.
The interesting thing for me, as a person of color, a Black man of multi-ethnic heritage and a somewhat class-privileged background, is I did not think I would be targeted for attack in the area that I live. I figured my skin color and ability to navigate various social circles would protect me.
Some have suggested that I move back to the suburbs, but I have found that living in the suburbs does not necessarily offer me any greater sense of safety. I lived in the suburbs for the better part of my adult life and experienced harassment from both the police and white teenagers. It only takes one experience to upset the balance and cause anxiety. One late night at a 24-hour mega-store, several young white men attempted to intimidate me with verbal assaults and racial epithets. I should be allowed to shop late at night without being menaced. I also feel like I should be able to drive in my neighborhood without the police stopping me on a tri-monthly basis, informing me that I fit the description of a suspect.
Prior to these experiences I never really understood de facto segregation by people of color and communities of color. I see why people, especially immigrants of color, gather together and in many instances live their entire lives within a familiar space of five miles of their homes. There is a sense of safety, even when the neighborhood is considered “crime-ridden”. These people still feel safe because they think they at least they know who is doing the crime, and feel less worried about the police harassing them.
From these personal attacks I also understand why people feel a gun makes them safer. I understand why people might think the suburbs are safer--and why people feel that the suburbs (or any community where they are not the majority) are unsafe.
I understand even more now why low-income people have higher instances of poor health, hypertension and heart attacks. Low-income life is stressful because you exist in almost constant danger.
I have lived in a variety of neighborhoods and traveled extensively; I have lived well with a large income and lived struggling with a lower income. It seems to me that regardless of where I live, how I dress, my mode of travel to and from work, where and what time I shop, regardless of the situation, ultimately it is up to me to be smart and make a choice to feel safe. At the same time I can not sit back and complain but I must work to build community despite the odds, and that is what it takes to be safe.
Bio:
T. Zac Ross is an editor of Critical Moment.
Living in the Concrete Jungle
Intro:
…Wont someone tell me? ‘cause my sweet life must be somewhere to be found - instead of concrete jungle where the living is harder man you got to do your best no chains around my feet, but I’m not free I know I am bound here in captivity… -Concrete Jungle, Bob Marley
On a misty and mild, snow-less December evening I was minding my own business, walking home from work listening to music through my iPod and I was accosted and physically assaulted by six teenagers. Unlike the time I was attacked in New York City, I was in Detroit, in my own neighborhood, a block from my front door. About a month after the attack I was almost hit by a car, twice. I felt the same feeling of anxiety from the attack that I felt when the car was so close I thought I was going to be struck. Walking to and from work should not be this difficult and stressful.
After these encounters I immediately began thinking about why something like this would happen to me. How did I seem weak and vulnerable to the teenagers that assaulted me? What about my appearance gave them the idea that they could accost me with impunity? Or did they even care how I looked? What is it about Detroit that makes me invisible to drivers when walking home from work? Why is this environment so hostile to pedestrians?
I think there could be many reasons why these incidents occurred; some related to my personal circumstances, others influenced by a larger systemic reason for urban youth perpetrating crimes against individuals.
The immediate reason for all of these issues is my lack of resources, and my lack of resources is a direct result of my low income. I do not have a car, had I been in a car none of these incidents would have occurred.
The reality is that I do not have a car and I live in a neighborhood that is being rapidly gentrified. The people coming into this area are usually associated with Wayne State University or the College of Creative Studies in some capacity, either as a student, a professor or in a related Medical industry. The low-income housing projects have been razed and in their place are new luxury Lofts and Condos, renovated apartments, designer boutiques, pet shops, doggy daycare and of course Starbucks! – two within six blocks. Those moving here are increasingly affluent and not all of them are white. But make no mistake; it is still the “hood”.
I think one of the other reasons why I was assaulted is because of the way I was dressed. Though I should be able to dress any way that I want in my own neighborhood I now recognize for my sense of safety, in the “hood” I have to dress like the “hood”. I wear my black hooded sweatshirt and my Timberland boots and baggy jeans, etcetera. To the youth that attacked me, I probably looked like a member of the entering gentry wearing designer business casual clothes, an iPod and a leather backpack. I now have to remind myself to keep the cord to the earphones on my iPod in my coat, shirt or jacket so that it is not exposed. An iPod is a clear indication of my relative class privilege. An iPod sends the message that I not only have the $200 plus dollars to purchase it, but also that I have a computer to download songs from the Internet. It all points to a level of wealth assaulters may not have.
The larger economic conditions in the state of Michigan, of course, have helped in creating the economic conditions that contributed to reasons for my assault. The restructuring of the Detroit auto companies is resulting in large workforce reductions. These massive lay-offs are causing an economic depression. The conditions of this depression are only worsening by the day.
Detroit as a whole is becoming economically unsustainable from the push-down effect. The economy in Southeast Michigan is dominated by the U.S. auto industry. When the auto industry reduces its workforce, the workers that do not move to other states are absorbed into lower paying and sometimes less skilled jobs. Then the lower paying and even less skilled are pushed into the next lower job sector. Finally, those with minimal to no special skills are completely displaced.
These people often work more than one job and still their “ends do not meet” or worse yet, they sooth their depression over their economic situation with addictive substances. Meanwhile, their children are constantly receiving pop culture messages that greed, consumption and aggression are valuable personality traits that will be rewarded with access to money, power, and sex. As the bad economic conditions deepen and the dominant culture becomes more materialistic, I should expect more frequent and bolder assaults or harassment attempts by poor disenfranchised youth and adults.
After the attack I initially felt a violent response to them was warranted. One of those youth should be shot. Then they will learn a lesson. Not necessarily killed, but definitely shot. They will then think twice before they attack someone else on the street. Should I get a Concealed Weapons Permit? I next thought, I should take a martial arts class to “be ready” for them next time.
Immediately, I realized that this thinking is irrational, that shooting anyone or disabling them with martial arts techniques would perpetuate more violence and would not help to make this a safer neighborhood. But I am left with the uncertainty of how do I take care of my spirit and sense of safety after this violation?
It has been over a month since this incident occurred. I now take a different route walking home from work. The route I took when I was accosted was taken to avoid the sex workers, drug dealers and addicts that hang out a few blocks from my door.
Now I walk in the direction of this illicit activity. Ironically, this may turn out to be the safer route because of the higher street traffic it creates. Most assaulters do not want to bother you in an area where there is a lot of traffic, of any kind. My walking this new direction is counter-intuitive for me, because my experience being around sex workers, drug dealers and addicts is that it is a sure way to be an “innocent bystander” victim often read about in the newspapers and heard of on the television news.
Maybe walking the way of the sex workers, drug dealers and addicts is the safer route from roving groups of menacing teenagers, but not the safer route from potential shootings and firebombs. There was actually a fire-bombing of an apartment building on this walk home from work during the summer months of 2006.
I have also considered that my recently reacquired “hood” style of dress does not distinguish me from the “usual suspects”. Now, the police are more of a concern.
The police often conduct random sweeps (also known as “stop-and-frisk”) in the area that I walk. I am hoping that my backpack will distinguish me as a possible student, given that I am within four blocks of the Wayne State University campus. Hopefully the police will not mistake me for one of the other usual suspects.
I still do not know the answers, but I know when I walk home from work now I have several layers of anxiety. First, from menacing teenagers, second from sex workers, drug dealers and drug addicts, and third from the police and fourth from careless motorists that do not see me walking.
These experiences have upset my sense of personal safety. I understand even better the reasons why a person does not risk living in the city especially an area like where I live.
The interesting thing for me, as a person of color, a Black man of multi-ethnic heritage and a somewhat class-privileged background, is I did not think I would be targeted for attack in the area that I live. I figured my skin color and ability to navigate various social circles would protect me.
Some have suggested that I move back to the suburbs, but I have found that living in the suburbs does not necessarily offer me any greater sense of safety. I lived in the suburbs for the better part of my adult life and experienced harassment from both the police and white teenagers. It only takes one experience to upset the balance and cause anxiety. One late night at a 24-hour mega-store, several young white men attempted to intimidate me with verbal assaults and racial epithets. I should be allowed to shop late at night without being menaced. I also feel like I should be able to drive in my neighborhood without the police stopping me on a tri-monthly basis, informing me that I fit the description of a suspect.
Prior to these experiences I never really understood de facto segregation by people of color and communities of color. I see why people, especially immigrants of color, gather together and in many instances live their entire lives within a familiar space of five miles of their homes. There is a sense of safety, even when the neighborhood is considered “crime-ridden”. These people still feel safe because they think they at least they know who is doing the crime, and feel less worried about the police harassing them.
From these personal attacks I also understand why people feel a gun makes them safer. I understand why people might think the suburbs are safer--and why people feel that the suburbs (or any community where they are not the majority) are unsafe.
I understand even more now why low-income people have higher instances of poor health, hypertension and heart attacks. Low-income life is stressful because you exist in almost constant danger.
I have lived in a variety of neighborhoods and traveled extensively; I have lived well with a large income and lived struggling with a lower income. It seems to me that regardless of where I live, how I dress, my mode of travel to and from work, where and what time I shop, regardless of the situation, ultimately it is up to me to be smart and make a choice to feel safe. At the same time I can not sit back and complain but I must work to build community despite the odds, and that is what it takes to be safe.
Bio:
T. Zac Ross is an editor of Critical Moment.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
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